I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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