I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
