how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
