You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
