dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
