i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
