Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
