do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
