My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
