we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need to align my fucking chakras
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
