i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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