I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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