My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize