There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
