mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
