I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
