I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
