so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All the doctor said was why
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
