before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
