I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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