Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
