Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
