if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize