whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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