You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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