so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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