listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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