he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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