yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
