I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
