so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
