with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize