She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
