I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
