Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
