Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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