I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize