I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
