Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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