You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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