I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
