dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
