its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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