Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
