how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
