The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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