I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
