Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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