The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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