eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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