You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
