i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize