Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
