Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i out mim tonsoeep
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
