Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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