I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
