I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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