If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
