Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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