CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
