how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
