Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
