well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My vagina is very pro this idea
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