I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize