Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
