So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Randomize
