He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize