I wish I could teleport
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
