part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
