you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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