We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
