my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
