I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
