i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
