If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
