there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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