ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
