so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
