my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
